i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Help. Why am I so naked?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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