can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
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You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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