I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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