after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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