I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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