Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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