I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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