new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
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She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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