I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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