Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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