i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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