Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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