that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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