If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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