You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
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hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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