There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize