Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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