giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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