Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize