Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize