I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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