Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize