I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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