their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
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Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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