I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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