Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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