there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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