There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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