My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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