The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I woke up under a house in Key West
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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