Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
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I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
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The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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