She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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