her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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