i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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