im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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