i can't believe i had my finger in that
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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