dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
as a side note pls kill me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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