She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You left your phone here
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