he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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