just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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