Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Never underestimate the power of titties
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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