dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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