how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize