UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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