Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
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I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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