apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I bet he comes in French.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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