So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
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My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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