Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
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