I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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