I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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